Welcome to 1997, Guru!

Well, I did it. I finally got myself a cell phone. The Nokia PM-6225, shown here.



My wife has had a cell phone for about 4 years, but until recently, I didn't want one. I just need to get with the times, I guess. I got a really good deal with the discount through my work and my wife and I can call each other for free, so it just makes sense for our family. If any of you want to call me, my number is 614-... SIKE! I'm not that dumb. Don't you wish that you could have my number?

I can't publish that. The ladies would be blowing that thing up. You know how it is. Hate the game, not the player!

Happy Birthday, Internet

On Friday, the Internet turned 35. On October 29th, 1969 researchers transmitted the first message between the first two nodes of the beginnings of the ARPAnet, the precursor to the internet. UCLA was to transmit the letters LOG and Stanford was to reply IN. UCLA sent L and O, but when they sent the G, the Stanford computer crashed.

So the first thing transmitted on the internet was LO. That's my wife's nickname. She is famous!

Two in a Row!

The Buckeyes won for the second time in a row, beating Penn State yesterday with touchdowns from the offense, defense, and special teams. A total team effort. The offense didn't spend a lot of time on the field, so they didn't put up any gaudy numbers, but the number in the win column is the one that I care the most about.

Ted Ginn, Jr. looked incredible.



He has really been a spark to our team.

I'll tell you what topped off the great day Saturday. All 3 major Florida teams lost on the same day for the first time since 1978. I love it. I hate Miami. I hate Florida. I hate Florida State. And, they all lost. Day couldn't have ended better. Okay, it could have. Michigan could have not come back and beat Michigan State, but its okay.

Final Score, 21-10 OSU. Gooooooooooo Bucks!

Well, I Got It

Check it out.

I am official.

Oh, Crap, These are Funny

Who's Your Daddy?

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms:

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue, where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad, as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby; after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Ohio State vs. Penn State

Okay, we got our first Big Ten win. That was a start. Now we have to string two in a row and the Nittany Lions are just the team to allow that to happen. The Lions are not the powerhouse that they once were. They have also never lost 3 in a row to the Buckeyes. And, having lost close games to us in 2003 and 2002, they don't intend to let that happen this year.

Penn State has, as always, a tremendous defense. Last week, they held Iowa to 6 points. Yes, the same Iowa who torched us for 35 or so. Unfortunately, the Penn State offense got 0 points. Penn State did have 4 points, but that was from 2 (TWO!!!) safeties they got against Iowa. The defense outscored the offense.

But, Ohio State's offense is coming off of a promising victory over Indiana and we are starting the electric Troy Smith again and giving Antonio Pittman the start also as a reward for his EXCELLENT performance against IU.

Side note: I used to root for Penn State before I moved to Ohio. I wasn't really a football fan until I had lived in Ohio for 2 or 3 years, but claimed Penn State as my team since I was from the great state of Pennsylvania. But once I got here and interested in football, Buckeye Nation called me and I had to respond. How could I not be a Buckeye?

I will avoid a prediction again, as I have seemingly jinxed the team in the past by giving them. Full game breakdown to follow, probably tomorrow.

The Contest

As some of you may know, Trin and I have a contest about posts. She is now complaining because I have a few things to blog about. I would like to point out though, the rules of the game, especially in light of her threat to be stubborn and beat me.

The posts have to be real posts. I don't want to get in to mid-December and have her start posting 30 times a day with just stupid one picture posts and stuff. They have to be legitimate, or it doesn't count. I understand if you are going to have a funny picture or two as a post, but don't go insane.

Also, my last two days of blog explosion have been as a response to her own little blog explosion. If she is going to just post one or two times a day as was her custom, then I will post once, maybe twice a day, as was my custom.

I am just defending myself, Trin. :->

What's funny is that she will pass me. The contest is just that I don't get passed in the calendar year 2004. She has more time to blog and a much more interesting life to blog about, so she will always do better than me. On top of that, she came in to the game dead set on posting daily. I let my blog languish at the beginning and have since gotten myself together.

Game on, and No Cheating.

Up Late

Okay. It is 1:04 AM and I am still up. This didn't use to be an odd occurrence, but since I started getting up sometime before 6 AM daily, I have usually been asleep by midnight. I just run myself until I pass out, then get up and do it again. Tonight, I dozed off for a minute in bed (actually, about 30), then woke up when my wife (who is sick) wanted me to get her a blanket.

Since I was up, I did 2 loads of laundry, played a game of ESPN NFL 2K5, ate two PB & J sandwiches, and am now blogging. What the heck? I hope I get to bed soon.

Get a Free iPod

This is for real. Those of you who know me know that I am not about scams. The catch is that you have to agree to an offer that they have and five people that you refer need to complete an offer. Those of you who have blogs can post a link (which I have added to my template) and have people sign up that way. So, if I can just get 5 people to sign up to get their free iPods, I gets mine. So, Pleeeeeeease?!?!?

Here is the link.

Make sure that you use the link. If you sign up, but don't get refered by anyone, it is a waste to the world. You can still try to get yours, but you might as well help someone, why not me?

You Need to Play This Game

Its pretty fun.

20 Questions

If Only Roger Had Stayed....

Roger Clemens, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Yankee flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity," God said. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here."

Roger felt special, indeed, and walked into his house. On his way up to the porch he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a three-story mansion with a bright red and blue sidewalk, a 50 foot flagpole with a Red Sox flag flying on it, and a Red Sox logo in every window. In the front yard was a sign reading 'Welcome To Beantown.'

Clemens looked at God and said, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I won three World Series rings, more awards than I can remember, and I won more than 300 games." God answered, "So what do you want to know, Roger?"

"Well, why does Pedro Martinez get a better house than me?" God chuckled and said, "Roger, that's not Pedro's house... its mine."

Some Funny, But Wrong, Pictures

Click the image to see it full-sized.

The Red Sox Win, The Red Sox Win.....

OOOOOOOOOHHHH My God, The Red Sox Win.

Last night the Red Sox swept the Cardinals to win the World Series for the first time in 86 years. I'm so happy I can't even stand to be around myself. And that is just speaking as a fan of the game. I can't imagine what the good people of Boston are feeling right now.

The Red Sox dominated the series as few champions have. They not only never trailed in the series, they held a lead at some point in every inning, the first team to do so in World Series history. In fact, Boston never trailed this postseason after tying Game 5 against the Yankees in the eighth inning. That is something.

Now the Cursed City is Chicago. Both of their MLB teams have not won a World Series since the Red Sox last did in 1918. Cubs in 1908 and the White Sox in 1917. That city now has to bear the burden of being the cursed ones. I'm sure their fans are just thrilled to have that distinction.

Not That I Condone This Behavior...

17 Reasons why Alcohol should be served at Work

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay.

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

17. Sitting "Bare *ss" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

Red Sox Up 3 Games to None

This is incredible. Experts everywhere were expecting the Cards to sweep their games at home and go take one of the other games from the Sox in Boston to shut Boston down again. Now, the Cards will have to pull an upset like the Sox did to the Yankees in the ALCS to have a chance.

With the way that the Sox are hitting and pitching, I don't see that happening. All things seem to be going their way right now. Good for them. 86 Years is long enough.

I wish I could be in Boston for the party, it will be LIVE!!!!!

Trinity13

That Crazy Chick wants to get more posts than me by the end of the year. I admit that she is coming on strong, but I plan to fend her off until the calendar year 2005.

If it gets close, I plan on sending a hit man over there to put her in the hospital and away from a computer for the rest of the year.

Just kidding, Trin!

A Great Reason To Vote

Click Here For the Reason
(See you there!)




Also, isn't this cute?

Funny IM Conversation

Here is a conversation that I had with my co-worker Chris where we mocked a person that we work with. She claims to have all of this IT background, yet she is just learning HTML and her answer for everything is style sheets. When she comes and asks me a question, she won't accept my correct answer. She also says stupid things like "HTML won't process the code." If you aren't a geek, you may not notice the stupidity there, but HTML is just markup. It tells the browser how to display things. It doesn't process anything.

Knowing that, and that if you aren't a geek, you may not get this, here you go.

Me: style sheets B**ches!

Me: STYLE SHEETS!!!!!!!!!!

Chris: CSS!

Chris: did you know CSS is a stylesheet

Chris: and that HTML and XML have s%x to form new little stylesheets?

Me: really? i just thought that the javascript stork brought the little style sheets to the momma HTML and Daddy XML

Chris: well HTML is to busy processing the XML for that

Me: my favorite part of the whole process is when my JPGs are authenticated by CSS, so that they are well formed so that the JPGs can grow up to be XHTML

Chris: sometimes CGI sends a request to ASP in order to alert the HTML to start processing the form request to authorize the JPGs to authenticat the GIFs

Chris: Thats how animate GIFs word

Chris: work

Me: right.

Me: you're pretty smart

Chris: Thanks

Me: has DeeDee been tutoring you?

Chris: I've been studing CSS since Cobal invented it

Chris: YEAH!

Chris: If you get an answer wrong she clubs you with a low riding saddlebag

Chris: that motvates you to learn the right way

Me: dizamn

Crazy Joke

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!''

''I know!'' the next woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house but when I called he wasn't there.''

The third woman says, ''I always know where my husband is.''

''Impossible!'' both women say, ''He has you completely fooled!''

''Oh no,'' says the woman. ''I'm a widow.''

Three in a Row for the Stillers

My fantasy team beat the number one team for my third win in a row. I am now 3-4 after starting the season 0-4.

Next week I have to play one of the worst teams in the league, record-wise, but he actually has a lot of talent on his team, including Peyton Manning and Baltimore's defense.

But maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to win this weekend and even up my record.

Here's to .500!

Ohio State University

I have decided after much deliberation to enroll at Ohio State and pursue my Bachelor's Degree in Computer Information Systems. I know, I know. "Guru, you already have a job in computers, why go back now?" Good question. Let me see if I can elaborate on it.

1. I want a degree. For me. Now is the time.

2. I want to set an example for my kids that college is important.

3. My work is paying for it, so I need to take the initiative and go get my degree.

4. Working my job without a degree is costing me at least 5 grand a year in salary.

So, as you can see, I need to do this. It isn't that I didn't do well in school. I got a 32 on my ACT and was ready for college. I was fourth in my class with a 3.9 GPA. And as I was analyzing my transcripts that I just got, it was because of an incomplete that I got for Calculus. I remember seeing that now after 12th grade, but not caring enough to go argue. The problem was that people in the class weren't ready, so the teacher stopped teaching. But, up until that point, I passed all of my tests and did all of my homework, so I should have gotten a grade. Oh, well.

However, adversity struck while I was at Freshmen Orientation at Capital and I was unable to attend in the Fall. But, it is my fault that I haven't gone back until now. I accept that. But, that is why I am taking the initiative to do something about it. No one will ever give me anything. I need to earn it, and I will.

No One Loves Quizzes More Than Me....

... or is as geeky as me. So this is the perfect quiz.


Which File Extension are You?

One Down, Three to Go

The Red Sox won Game 1 of the World Series last night. They did, however, blow leads like mad in the game. This will probably not be a defensive series. Game 1 was 11-9. These two teams can just MASH!

David Ortiz hit a homer in his first plate appearance. Didn't St. Louis learn from the Yankees' mistakes? Don't pitch to Big Papi! He is hot right now.

ESPN took this year's baseball video game, set the rosters, and played out this series computer against computer. Boston won 4 games to 2. They even showed highlights. It was hilarious, but I hope the results are true.

Go Sox!

My Experience at the Indiana Game

As I have stated before, yesterday was the first time that I had ever been to an OSU game. It will not be my last. That was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

When I was in the stadium and the band came in, played the fight song, and marched the field, I actually felt such a rush of emotions that I thought that I would do more than the halfway tearing up that I did. I thought that that was a little funny, so I asked the guy who gave me the ticket about it and he said that he has the same experience. Especially for the Michigan game. It is really amazing.

My seats were very good. I was on the west side of the stadium, on the South Goal, 27 rows up. I could see everything perfectly. The stadium is so huge, but everything was so visible. The only plays that I had a hard time following were the ones that took place on the North Goal. Luckily for me, there weren't too many of those.

Concessions were a bit much. $3.00 each for popcorn, pretzels, and a hot dog. It was $6.00 for a 32oz pop. That is just pure liquid profit right there.

As for the game, I was so happy to see Troy Smith and Antonio Pittman in there. They both looked so sharp and our offensive output was greater than our last two games combined. We had 90 more rushing yards than they had total offensive output. If Troy and Tony don't keep their starting jobs, I will be livid. We had no turnovers in this game for the first time this season. Justin Zwick is good for 2 per game. Troy and Tony just had a better command of the game.

Being able to see the whole field at all times (not like on TV), I thought that Troy Smith made the right decision with the ball 100% of the time. I couple of times, he had too much arm on some throws. A couple of other times, OSU receivers had the dropsies. (Maybe because they aren't used to how hard he throws?) But, remember, this is the first time that he has had the entire offensive gameplan set up for him. This is his Cincinnati game.

If he starts next week, I am looking forward to another Big Ten win against Penn State. Now how can I get tickets?


p.s. I decided not to take my camera, which was a good thing because of all of the rain. Here are some professional hi-res shots from the game. (click each image to see it full-sized)



Images from The O-Zone

Guru? Present! (At the Game!)

I will be viewing the game today not from the friendly vantage point of Ghraper's couch, but from the friendly confines of Ohio Stadium. Here is my ticket.



The only football games that I have seen in person were high school games. I certainly have never seen a football game in person at such an historic venue. Today is also Homecoming, so I will get to see a little something extra, as well.

What I hope is that the Buckeyes are able to defeat Indiana so that I may have a pleasurable experience at my first game. Troy Smith is starting at QB and Lydell (Lie Down) Ross will be suspended for the game. The team isn't saying why, but the rumor that is kicking around is that he passed some funny money at a strip club.

Lydell, Lydell. I bet Maurice Clarett never had to pay for it!

No predictions, but I hope to have a picture or two for you from the game. I still haven't decided if I want to be bothered with my camera, so we shall see.

GO BUCKS!!!!!!!

The 2004 World Series

v.

I feel good because I actually predicted the people who would be in the World Series from the beginning of Divisional Playoff play. I, of course, had no way of knowing that the Red Sox would get in like they did. Of all the teams in Major League Baseball, I would not have believed that the "Cursed" Red Sox would be the first team down 0 - 3 in a best of 7 series to come back to win. But they are.

The fans in Beantown must be going nuts.

It will be interesting to see if anyone pitches to David Ortiz of the Red Sox, seeing as how all he does is get hits (mostly clutch HRs).

If you can stand watching baseball at all, this promises to be a really good series. Both teams are offensive juggernauts, so the scoring should be high.

I will refrain from picking a winner of the series, due to my jinxing of the Buckeyes recently, but I will say that I am rooting for the Red Sox to break the curse. Wouldn't it be great for Bostonians (who love their teams like few cities do) to win both the Super Bowl (Patriots Jan. 2004) and the Red Sox (Possibly Nov. 2004) in the same year? How can you not root for crap like that?

You aren't a Yankee fan are you?

Battle of the First Ladies

From The Official Right Wing Conspiracy

Teresa, in what is now becoming almost a daily occurence, is at it again. This time though she's not talking about arthritis or President Bush, but she has decided to comment on the First Lady. Laura Bush, a former public school teacher and librarian, apparently in the eyes of Mrs. Kerry, hasn't had a real job. Mrs. Kerry said the following:

But I don't know that she's ever had a real job — I mean, since she's been grown up. So her experience and her validation comes from important things, but different things.

I know Mrs. Kerry's life is not exactly the ordinary citizen, but surely even she can appreciate the noble profession that is education. Maybe she just misspoke or maybe, yet again, Teresa has proven how out of the mainstream she is.

Quote from Vladimir Putin

From electionprojection.com

Vladimir Putin:

I consider the activities of terrorists in Iraq are not as much aimed at coalition forces but more personally against President Bush. International terrorism has as its goal to prevent the election of President Bush to a second term. If they achieve that goal, then that will give international terrorism a new impulse and extra power. (emphasis added)

And that's from a foreign leader opposed to the Iraq war, not some GOP talking head. I can't imagine a more relevant and weighty statement for the American voter to consider as we cast our votes 15 days from now.

Makes You Want to Cry

My middle daughter decided that she was verrrrrry hungry right about bedtime. I didn't want to get her food at that point, but she wouldn't let up. After a conference with my wife, we decided to go ahead and get her something so late, since she doesn't usually do this. In a last ditch effort to skip the food, I had this conversation with my middle daughter.

(Note: My wife's mother died this past January. The kids were very close to her.)

Me, "You know that sometimes when you eat food right before bed, it makes you have bad dreams."

Her, "Sometimes I dream about Mamaw coming back."

Me, "Coming back how? Like she is at her house again?"

Her, "Yeah. But she is in a wheelchair. When I see her, I go running up to her to give her a hug."

Me, Silence

Her, "Maybe if I eat the toast, I can dream about Mamaw."

Broke my heart.

Substitute Blogging

As some of you may be aware, Trinity and G-man just went on a cruise for a week. G-man chose to let his blog just lay stagnant while he was gone. Trinity created 14 drafts (2 for each day) and I just went in and posted them each day so that her loyal readers wouldn't have to go on vacation just because she did. Nice.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about Drifter. He doesn't post very often because he hates his 28.8 dialup at home and he IS supposed to be working at work. Now that he is injured, who knows when he will post again.

I've taken it upon myself to go and post the occasional post to his blog to keep his loyal readers interested. I have to try not to get anal about it and worry about posting everyday, like I do here. But, I will try to match his crazy style.

Check it out.

Fantasy Football - Two in a Row!

Not only did I win my first game last week, I won this week as well. I am riding a two game win streak in to a showdown with one of the first place teams. When healthy (and they are), my team is a scoring machine, so I am looking forward to extending my winning streak.

Last time I played a first place team, I scored the second most points in the league that week. The bad news was that my opponent scored THE most points that week - by 1. The worst thing was that I could have had the two points just by playing a different guy already on my roster.

Oh, well. Here's to my continued success.

Which M&M?

From the blog of loelsh, a quiz. (Which you all know that I LOVE!)

My Result:


True indeed.

Steelers - October 17 v. Cowboys

Man, they looked good yesterday. Ben Roethlisberger was an absolute stud yesterday to go 4-0 as a starter. He led us on a last minute drive for a touchdown to win the game. He completed 84% of his passes and was sidestepping blitzes and improvising things all game long. I couldn't be happier that we drafted him this year.

The Stillers are 5-1 now, and I am crazy excited. We missed the playoffs last year, and that crap won't fly too long in the 'burgh.

Only in Michigan

Amber Mueller, 14, of Brownstown, Michigan, smiles while playing in the mud during July 6th's annual Mud Day in Westland, Michigan. The popular annual event brings together several hundred children, 20,000 gallons of water and 200 tons of topsoil.


It does look like fun, though.

Which Family Guy Character are You?

Quiz time again, bit**es! This one is about my favorite show, Family Guy. I love Stewie.


Which Family Guy character are you?

What's funny is that that description is me to a "T"! Except that I don't have a deep dark secret.... or do I? (maniacal laughter ensues)

Take the quiz and report back to me. I'd be interested to see if we can assemble an entire Family Guy cast from you mofos.

Later.

Third Loss in a Row

We are 0-3 in the Big Ten for the first time since 1988. These are indeed dark days. I don't even want to rehash it, since I know that I will have to at work and on talk radio all week, so I will leave you guys with this link.

BTW. I am going to the game next week. Do you think that they could pull out a win for my first game ever?

Nokia Bowling

I am addicted to Nokia Bowling on my brother-in-law's cell phone (aka "The GAP Phone"). I am manning it this weekend while he is on his cruise. I started playing the bowling game yesterday and knocked out every one of G's high scores! I am some kind of savant, I think.

I need to get a cell phone soon, and I think bowling is now a "must have" on whatever phone I get. I love that game. I get either a strike or a spare in every frame. I have posted pictures of the phone screen showing the high scores below. The pics are kind of crappy, but I didn't want to spend a bunch of time on taking screen shots of a phone. I'm not that much of a loser.

OSU v. Iowa 2K4

The Bucks travel to Iowa today to play the Hawkeyes at 3:30 Eastern time. My beloved Buckeyes take their first losing streak under Tressel in to Iowa City and try to end it against a Hawkeye team that has won their last 15 at home. On the plus side for us, we have owned Iowa over the last many years. But, we had owned Northwestern, too, and were defeated by them two weeks ago.

I am very much for wanting to see our other quarterback, Troy Smith, get some playing time to try to get the offense moving. Jim Tressel has replaced one of our starting offensive linemen in favor of a freshman because of his poor play. The offensive line certainly have been horrible this entire season and because of that, we have no running game. The opposing defenders spend all day in our backfield and Justin Zwick is getting no time to pass. He is overthrowing, underthrowing, and just plain missing receivers left and right.

One thing that I think that Troy Smith can bring to the game is the ability to scramble. If he is rushed, he can take off, which will either lead to big gains over and over again, or more conservative pressure from the defense, allowing him to be more effective with his arm. And make no mistake, he has the stronger arm.

Here's to a Buckeye victory today, but I am not hopeful.

Baby Sleepover

Well, we finished watching our nephew yesterday afternoon. All in all, he was a good boy. What surprised me was that he never did ask for his mom or dad. I figured that by this point, he would be crying for his parents, but he just wanted to play. The only thing that he cried about was not getting his way. Since I'm usually anti kids getting their way, that happened a few times, but he still loves me just the same.

One funny thing he does is want to play with people's mouths when he is going to sleep. Since his mommy wasn't around, he played with my middle daughter's mouth as they went to sleep. I didn't catch that on film, but I did get this...



Isn't it cute?

Top Ten Categories You Won't See on Jeopardy

10) "Noises Dad Makes"

9) "Things You Shouldn't Do With Farm Animals"

8) "Satanic Bible Verses"

7) "1st Cousin Pick-up Lines"

6) "Who's My Daddy?"

5) "Things You Shouldn't Put In The Microwave"

4) "Late Nights With A Cadaver"

3) "Serial Killers"

2) "What's That Rash"

1) "Ways I'd Kick Alex's Butt"

Sweet Revenge

A very attractive lady walks up to the bar, in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Ah, actually no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need for you to give him a message," as she continues running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slowly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Please tell him," she whispers " That there's is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the women's bathroom...... thank you".

Doctor's Orders

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life"?

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"


Duh-duh-dum-chhhhhh.

Another Awesome Wallpaper

Here is the wallpaper that I have on my computer at work. I love this one. Something about the colors, I think. Anyhow, here you go.



Click for larger image

Web Design Burnout

This is funny, because I live this crap.


Click for the larger image

An Interesting Statistic from GAP i.t.

Interesting Proof that IE isn't quite as dominant as it once was. Here are the statistics from gapsolutions.net. The IE number may even be a little high, since Mozilla based browsers will often "spoof" themselves as IE so that MSN and other pages will render themselves correctly.

1	Internet Explorer	253	67.65%
2	Netscape	52	13.9%
3	Mozilla	31	8.29%
4	Google Robot	17	4.55%
5	Alexa Robot	9	2.41%
6	Fast Robot	5	1.34%
7	Safari	4	1.07%
8	Lynx	1	0.27%
9	Opera	1	0.27%
10	Scooter Robot	1	0.27%

Superman has Died

The story is here.

Suckily enough, Maddox had just lampooned him and had to change it to Christopher Reeve was an A-Hole from "is an A-Hole".

That's actually how I found out that he had died.

Strange.

Fantasy Football - Finally Won Game # 1

Well, I've done it. My fantasy football team beat by friend Chad's high-powered team this week by 6 points. In fact, Javon Walker still needs to play tonight, so I very well could score more.

Deuce McAllister should be even better next week, so since I have Shaun Alexander too, I should have a killer 1 - 2 punch for that a**.

I did make one mistake, though. I played Jake Plummer instead of Mark Bulger. Bulger was playing the Seahawks, who haven't allowed a touchdown all season. I considered the fact that they were due, but decided to be safe and start Plummer. Plummer didn't let me down, he scored well (2 TD 226 yards), but Bulger (4 TD 325 yards), would have been a much better play. At least I didn't lose because of it, like in past weeks.

Yea for me. It's all downhill from here.

Buckeyes LOSE to Wisconsin

Okay. I am sick of this crap. We lost again. 24-13. 1st time since Tressel has been here that we've lost two in a row. The officials blew a key call, but I don't think that that would have given us the game. Wisconsin fumbled in their own territory and we recovered, but because they blew the whistle, we couldn't challenge the ruling. They ended up going and getting a FG, when we could have gotten a TD, at very least a FG of our own.

If we had gotten the TD (and they not their FG) the final score would have still been 21-20 Wisconsin, so we would have lost anyway. It doesn't matter, our offense was horrible. At this point, I think that we should put Troy Smith in and see if we can't get the offense going.

Now, the only thing that can salvage the season is beating Michigan. I don't know if Justin Zwick is the guy to do that.

Buckeye Preview - Wisconsin at Ohio State 2k4

Oh, to be a Buckeye fan this past week. It was horrible. There is no thing as sad as Buckeye Fan the week after a loss. Two key stats. 1. OSU has never lost back-to-back games under Jim Tressel. Not even during his first season when he went 7-5. 2. OSU has lost the last two home games against Wisconsin.

Wisconsin is really good this year. They have a running back in Anthony Davis, who is sure to give the Buckeyes a few fits. Here is the good news. Wisconsin averages 20.2 points per game, last in the Big 10. OSU averages 25 points a game, only 7th in the Big 10, but 4 places better than Wisconsin. (Remember that there are 11 teams in the Big Ten.)

But, Wisconsin has held each opponent this season two seven or fewer points and lead the nation in scoring defense (5.2). OSU has an 18 game winning streak at home. The last team to beat them at home? Wisconsin.

I hope I don't have to come here for the breakdown tomorrow upset from another Buckeye loss. Go Bucks!

Town Hall Debate

It may seem like I am ripping on G-Man, but I had planned on putting up my own poll for this debate since a day or two after the first debate.

It also serves a purpose to see how many people are viewing my site (tee hee).

--------------EDIT----------------------
A whopping 8 people voted.

The final result was 6 for Bush, 1 for Kerry, and 1 Draw. I kept the poll up for 5 days.

Man, I'm in a bad mood

I don't know what is doing it, but I am in a very foul mood. I hate just about everything right now. Things that I used to be cool with, people that I was cool with, are annoying the crap out of me.

I feel like I need to hurt someone. It doesn't seem to matter to me if it is physically or mentally. I know that I always feel bad after hurting someone's feelings, but the anger inside of me right now because of stupid people is insane.

How in the world can I get all of this rage out without actually hurting anyone? I know breathe, exercise, pray, etc. I am looking for answers outside of those. Any ideas?

Maybe I can somehow figure out the thing that is putting me in a bad mood, annihilate that, and I will see the world in a nice way again. Wouldn't that be nice?

George Soros

I don't agree with his politics, but I am very pleased with George Soros on one issue.

When VP Dick Cheney gave out a website during the debate, he inadvertently gave it out incorrectly. He gave out factcheck.com instead of factcheck.org. I happened to be sitting at the computer when Mr. Cheney gave out the site, and I was familiar with the .Org, but not with the .Com. I typed it in and was surprised to be forwarded to GeorgeSoros.com. That made it a pretty unfortunate mistake, since people may not have even thought to assume a mistake and try elsewhere. I am very surprised, though to find this message prominently displayed on George Soros' website:

FactCheck.com Correction
We do not own the FactCheck.com domain name and are not responsible for it redirecting to GeorgeSoros.com. We are as surprised as anyone by this turn of events. We believe that Vice President Cheney intended to direct viewers of the Vice-Presidential Debate to FactCheck.org.


Good for him. I appreciate his candor, honesty, and helpfulness in this situation.

Meaningless G-Quiz

Just to make Drifter mad.

1. Pet Peeves: Crackhead drivers. Stupid people.

2. Favorite Sounds: The sounds of excellent rap music through my headphones at work.

3. Desk Items: monitor, printer, speakers, phone, scanner, no purple pen, CD's, trash.

4. Biggest Fears: Monsters.

5. Biggest Challenges: Not insulting people. Getting unfat.

6. Newest 'Toys': X-Box (July!)

7. Most Used Words: a, the, and, or, maybe, computer

8. Most misspelled Words: absences (always want to add a "c" in the middle)

9. Favorite Cartoon Characters: Keith (from Voltron), Optimus Prime, Leader One, Stewie, me

10. Your Homepage: Google at home and on IE at work. electionprojection.com on Firefox at work.

My New Wallpaper

I got this from kde-look.org


Click for the full love.

Isn't it nice?

BTW... This is my 3rd post today. What am I, trying to impress someone?

Another Reason to Dislike Mandy Moore

I used to admire Mandy Moore. When she was still new on the Hollywood scene, she gave interviews about her Christian faith and how she was being selective about roles because of it. She said that she wanted to take roles that were positive and whatnot.

Fast forward to now. She is on "Punk'd!" dropping F-Bombs, in "Saved", a nice little movie about how Christians are haters, and now she is totally for the Johns. See below.


Click image for hi-res glory

I'm not saying that Christians can't be Democrats, or even support Kerry. I'm not saying that people won't go to Heaven for supporting Democrats or John Kerry. I am saying that I don't know a single Bible-believing (all of it), church-going, praying, Jesus-loving Christian that is voting for Kerry. There is even a guy who attends my church that still considers himself a Democrat, but his conscience has had him vote Republican in the last few elections. (For those of you in the know, think AAAAAAAATKINS).

Maybe she doesn't want to be looked upon as someone in Hollywood that Christian teens can look up to anymore. That is her choice. And that is fine. But, my money doesn't need to support her or her career anymore. That is my choice. And that is fine.

At it again...

Oldie, but a goodie.

Federal Aviation Agency
800 Independence Avenue S.W.
Washington DC. 20591

Dear Sirs,

I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Outrageous

From ABC News as heard on Rush Limbaugh show: (my thoughts follow)

Link to Story, as following
Rita Bianco, Parent: "Children should know their president and their first lady!"

Parents expressing outrage after a teacher is kicked out of her public school for hanging a picture of President Bush next to pictures of other presidents in her classroom.

Shiba Pillai-Diaz, Teacher: "It happened on a small bulletin board near the American flag and also with a poster of the Declaration of Independence."

This is Crossroads South Middle School in Monmouth Junction, New Jersey. On Thursday, there was a back-to-school night for parents of students. Veteran English teacher Shiba Pillai-Diaz says she was shocked when three parents confronted her. The three, insisting the teacher either add John Kerry's photo to the montage of presidents or remove the Bush photo. When Pillai-Diaz refused, she says the school's vice-principal threatened her job which is an act that has parents here fuming.

Paula Sjolund, Parent: "She didn't do anything wrong, and I think that it should have stayed up there."

Pillai-Diaz ultimately removed the entire bulletin board and says School Principal Jim Warfel told her she disrupted the school with her "inflammatory politics". She says he then ordered her out of the building. While she says she is a Bush supporter in her personal life, Pillai-Diaz says she keeps politics out of the classroom.

Shiba Pillai-Diaz, Teacher: "There was no political intent, nor was there any political content in that photograph nor on the bulletin board."

School officials would not talk on camera but insist nobody here has been fired. To that, Ms. Pillai-Diaz asks what does it mean then when your boss asks you to hand over the keys and kicks you out of the building? She also says she is not sure if she'll be returning to school tomorrow.

That is ridiculous. Basically, she put up pictures of presidents, including our current one. Parents insisted that she put John Kerry up there, too. John Kerry has yet to be elected. He does not yet deserve to be alongside Washington, Lincoln, Reagan, et al. That story burns my bum!

F'ing Liberals! You never hear stories like this of conservative people insisting that something be added to a display to make it fair. That is strictly the providence of liberals. I know what you'll say, "Conservatives want to ban stuff". Most conservatives don't want to ban stuff, but instead have different interpretations about what is appropriate for all to see in public. There is a huge difference. A presidential display was not obscene.

And, if you'll let me be a little unfair. Isn't it like a liberal to want to give someone something they don't deserve and didn't earn? Welfare, reparations, Kerry's place among presidents. Typical.




Note: I am for welfare as a stepping stone to those in need. But, I do think that they should be accountable and not live on it for super extended periods of time.

Uninspired

I'm mostly uninspired this morning. I am having trouble getting my daughters moving. I finally got the oldest up, but the second oldest has elected to skip breakfast to sleep longer. She told me, "Daddy, when I roll over like this (demonstrates), that means I don't want breakfast and I want to sleep". She's funny. She'll miss breakfast here, but she will still eat. Either we'll grab a breakfast bar on the way out or she'll eat at Grandma's before she goes to school, or both.

---

Here is a comment that I made on Ghraper's blog yesterday. I really feel strongly about it, so I wanted to get it out on the "front page" somewhere. Enjoy.

Kids just need to have a thicker skin. I was picked on in school. I had to start a new school 3 times growing up because I moved. I had to fight daily for weeks at a time. The kids picking on me or saying hurtful things didn't have me plotting a Columbine. If children are given a proper sense of self worth and self esteem by their upbringing, they won't care what a bunch of idiots say. I actually have an issue with, and am sort of angry with, whiny adults who blame getting picked on in middle school for their crappy adult life. Where is their sense of personal responsibility for their life? It is now the American Way to blame everyone else for your problems. I hate that about us.

WMD Humor

Click for full size

This is great. They are scud missile balloons that you can tie to your car to make it look like your car is being followed by heat seeking missiles! Too funny. I HAVE to get some.

Is this too dirty for y'all?

Click for full size


I thought that it was mad crazy funny, but didn't know if it would offend. Did it?

OSU Lost to Northwestern!

Okay. You know what? I am obviously NOT clairvoyant. And, I know nothing about college football. I thought that Northwestern would be strictly a tune-up game. I was wrong. They were the more impressive football team all game long.

In fact, it was only because of the great Buckeye luck that we were even able to go in to overtime. We missed opportunities all day and then in the 4th quarter, we were good again.

Nugent missed a FG in overtime, but it didn't matter. Northwestern scored a TD without ever getting to 4th down, and only needing a FG, so we would have lost anyway.

It's still too painful to discuss, so maybe you'll see some stats or something later.

I doubt it, though.

A Fun questionnaire

From Loelsh...

1. What's your middle name : Vassia
2. What color pants are you wearing right now? Not wearing pants :> I have on red and white porn-star undies (so called because they make my package look GOOD!)
3. What are you listening to right now: The faint sound of the TV
4. What was the last thing you ate: apple cinnamon breakfast bar
5. If you were a crayon what color would you be: black
6. How is the weather right now: cloudy and 61
7. Last person you talked to on the phone: my oldest daughter
8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex: don't know. depends how far away they are, how big their boobs are, etc. If they are close up, I will notice their face, particularly their eyes. If they are farther away, I definitely notice their boobs, unless they don't have any...
9. How are you today? SUPER
10. Favorite Drink: diet coke
11. Favorite sport: football
12. Hair Color: brown
13. Eye Color: blue
14. Do you wear contacts: no
15. Siblings: 1 younger brother
16. Favorite Month?: July (my b-day is there, 7/7/77)
17. Favorite Food(s): pizza, meatloaf, cheeseburgers, pot roast, syrian rice
18. Last movie you watched: part of "Blast From the Past" this morning
19. Favorite Day of the Year: Friday (all of them!)
20. Summer or Winter: summer
21. Hugs or Kisses: hugs
22. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
23. Living Arrangements: with wife and our 3 children
24. What books are you reading? Design Patterns C# by Steven John Metsker
25. What's on your mouse pad: don't have one
26. Favorite Board Game: chess
27. What did you do last night? Watched Joan of Arcadia
28. Favorite Smells: chocolate chip cookies baking, most women's perfumes and lotions
29. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: no
30. What inspires you? inspirational things
31. What is the best vacation you have ever had? Kiawah Island 4 years ago

OSU v. Northwestern Pregame

All right! Bye week is over and it is time for Buckeye football again!

This week we play Northwestern, at Northwestern, at 9pm Eastern Time. That will make for a late night for us, but it will be a later night for Northwestern. Check this:

Earlier this week Northwestern defensive lineman Luis Castillo described the upcoming opponent (the Ohio State Buckeyes) as having very good defense but a mediocre offense.

That got the Bucks a little testy.

"We heard that," said senior fullback Brandon Joe. "We hear it. We've got bulletin boards in there," said Joe pointing to the OSU locker room.

"Our goal is to not have them say that after the game.

"They can say anything they want before the game, but at 12:00 AM when the game is over, if they're still saying we have a mediocre offense, then we did something wrong."

And Brandon Joe is the perfect person to make those comments, because he will be the biggest factor in the offense functioning correctly. Joe is our starting fullback, but this will be the first game that he will be able to start for. He is a HUGE factor in the offense functioning properly. See these statistics from this season:

Formations w/ FB--45 plays (24%)--15 per game
11 pass (24%)--6/11 for 120 yards
34 runs (76%) for 184 yards 2 TD--5.4 ypc

One back/empty formations--90 plays (47%)--30 per game
29 pass (32%)--13/29 for 256 yards 2 TD 2 INT
61 runs (68%) for 168 yards--2.8 ypc

Notice the difference there? When we have a fullback in the game (not even our starter!), we average 2.6 MORE yards per carry on the ground. A whopping 5.4 yards per carry with a fullback as opposed to 2.8 without one, yet we have run almost twice as many plays without one.

Now that our starter is back, we should run more plays with the fullback in the game (and Tressel says that we will), so we will get more yards per carry on the ground. The effective ground game will allow our passing game to be more effective, which will allow the ground game to be more effective, which will allow the ...... you get the point. We should be hitting on all cylinders, for a change.

Thanks for the bulletin board material, NW. We shall be taking the victory, 27-6. See ya tomorrow.

Cartoon I stumbled across

It's not very politically correct, or sensitive, but here it is anyway.

(Click on each image to see it full-sized)

The Debates - Round 1

Okay. So, I guess that I'll have to talk about the debates, since Trinity13 has linked to my blog stating I have - hours before I am writing this.

I like what this link has to say about the debate and I feel that it is a very accurate and fair assessment of its technical merits and it has insta-poll results from all over. Speaking of insta-polls, MSN.com has Kerry winning the debate 68%-32% with 795,871 people responding. CBS had 200 undecided voters watch the debate and rank it during the debate and their results were very much like that MSN poll. Many were swayed for Kerry, few were swayed for Bush, and most remained undecided.

Now, what I thought of the debate while watching it. One thing that occurred to me is how much easier it is for the party who is not in office to attack the policy of the party that is in office. Don't get me wrong, I think that Bush benefited from that in the 2000 debates, as well. But, it is easy to criticize someone for making wrong decisions, but not really offer correct ones. Or, you may offer your opinion, but you have the benefit of not having to have it tried out. Maybe if we had done some things Kerry's way (whatever that is exactly, I just know it involves too much UN for my tastes), we would have had major disasters home and abroad. Or maybe not. We will never know.

It is easy to second guess someone. It is easy to lead by gauging the polls. That does not make an effective leader. It seems to me that Kerry would be that poll-type leader and that Bush would not. He hasn't been so far.

Another thing that annoyed me throughout the debate was how Bush had to correct Kerry multiple times on his facts, but I don't remember Kerry needing to correct Bush. It was almost as if it is okay for Kerry to lie to get his point across. He said that we aren't involved in sanctions against Iran. Bush corrected him and said that we didn't participate in the sanctions with Britain, et al. because we have already be sanctioning Iran since the Clinton administration and we "couldn't sanction them more". Kerry said that Bush didn't want to go to the UN initially, but was told to. Bush's response was classic when he said that "Nobody told me to go to the UN. I knew to go to the UN." (or something like that) Kerry never offered evidence that that was not the case and I don't think that anyone could. It was a cheap shot that he was trying to slide by.

All that being said in the article and my ideas, I do believe that Kerry won that debate. We'll see if it offers any significant jump in the polls for him though. I think most people are going to be guarded in their reactions until domestic issues are discussed at length.

I'm still voting for Bush. I agree with him on WAY more issues than I do with Kerry. I have no conscience issue with voting for Bush, and as the Pastor says at my church, I have to vote for the person who most accurately and completely reflects "Divine Viewpoint". That man is George W. Bush.


---------edit-----------------
From the San Fransisco Chronicle... An opinion that Bush won the debate... by a woman ... in San Fransisco. Go figure. That's excellent.